Whether you are stuck in a job, a relationship, or a living situation you don’t like, making these 5 mistakes is keeping you miserable.
Learn how to avoid these common pitfalls and take the first step towards changing your life.
1. Talking Down to Yourself
I wrote a post targeting this mistake a few weeks ago, but being mean to yourself is a major blocker to changing your life as well. How can you have the confidence to change when you’re constantly putting yourself down? Remember to show yourself some self-compassion and know that it will eventually work out. Taking a look at Mistake #2 can help with your outlook on the future. Know that mistakes are a part of life, especially the mistakes on this list, and it’s okay to make them.
2. Assuming You Can’t Change Your Situation
It is so, so important to know that you always have a choice. Whether you’re suffering through a job you hate in order to pay off student loans, or you’re living with your parents longer than you would like, you have chosen this for a reason. You don’t have to stay in that job, but the opportunity to pay off your student loans was worth it to you at some point. Is it still worth it? If not, you do have other options, although these other options may not be worth leaving your current situation. Regardless, reframing your point of view and acknowledging your choices is incredibly freeing. Think about the benefits you have gained If you stay with your parents for the time being, you are choosing to stay with them, maybe to save money or to prevent an undesirable roommate situation.
3. Not Knowing What You Want
How can you change your situation if you don’t know what you want? You may switch jobs only to end up in a new job you hate just as much. Of course, figuring this out is much easier said than done, and a support system can be very helpful when sorting through your options. I highly recommend Danielle LaPorte’s “The Desire Map”, which explores knowing how you want to feel in order to set goals. I have also had wonderful experiences with personal coaching, supportive friends and family, and journaling. Once you know where you want to be, you can begin to take steps towards your goal. As a bonus, you have something to look forward to as well.
4. Focusing on Negative Emotions
Did you know that emotions only last 30 seconds? Any longer lasting effects come from (an often unconscious) decision to act on that initial emotion. When you are first discouraged or angry, take a few deep breaths. Do you really want to spend your energy on getting angry at your coworker? Think of how you will feel about this moment in a year- do you want to regret yelling at your coworker, or do you want to be proud of yourself for respectfully disagreeing with him? Is this moment even important enough to remember in a year?
Perfection is not real- it sounds pretty boring as well. Stop trying to be perfect, and just try something. The paralyzing fear of failure, and not being perfect, can often lead to procrastination. Eventually, you realize you haven’t made any changes because you were afraid to make one tiny mistake. Another danger of perfectionism is a tendency to people please. You may be in a job because you are afraid your parents would be disappointed if you quit. Realistically, your parents probably just want you to be happy and do what’s best for you, even if that means looking for a new job.
Which of these mistakes have you made? What others would you add to my list?